Throwback Thursday: ‘The Naked Woman’ by Theric Jepson

Usually only toothy, nether-dwelling monsters or horned, vase-breaking imps hide out of sight of the adult mind. But she didn’t seem like a monster or an imp at all. When the boys of Miss Garner’s third-grade class saw her pass the school yard during afternoon recess wearing nothing but a Polly Pocket backpack over one shoulder, they hid behind the evergreen bushes and watched, fearful the monitor would see them watching and call their parents. It didn’t occur to them that a woman without clothes next to an elementary school might be the one to get in trouble — or at least in more trouble than the naturally curious third-grade boys watching her. She was a grown-up, and grown-ups didn’t get in trouble. Boys got in trouble.

She walked by the next day during lunch, backpack-free, but carrying a Sesame Street umbrella crooked over her right elbow. She attracted a crowd. Already her light, orange-blonde hair and smooth, milky curves were the stuff of playground legend.  All but a few children lay on
the ground near the fence to watch her walk by.  Every movement was a lesson, every bounce a revelation, every jiggle an education.

The monitor saw the children tittering by the fence and walked over to see what they were up to. She barked at them, demanding intelligence. One boy, a dark-haired frecklefield named Ralph, pointed. The monitor turned to look, but failed to see the naked woman, six inches taller and a hundred years younger than herself, walking by. That’s when they knew.