‘Regarding Line 25600 of Your Income Tax Return’ by Cadence Mandybura

The auditors arrive on your doorstep first thing the next morning, the speediest government service you’ve ever received. They ring the bell three times before you drag yourself from your cereal to the door.

There are two of them, a man and a woman, dressed in neat grey suits with fresh-pressed morning smiles. The man has a clipboard, the woman a rolling kit parked behind her. 

“I’m Auditor Kapoor, and this is Auditor Lavoie, from Revenue Canada,” says the woman. “Are you Mr ——?” She rattles off your full legal name, your social insurance number, and the income you reported in box 150 of your tax return less than twelve hours ago. You confirm the information warily. “Excellent!” she continues. “We’re here about your vows.”

“What?” you say. It’s 8:30 a.m. on a Sunday: the time of self-pitying hangovers, not government reviews.

“Your taxes, sir,” clarifies the man, Auditor Lavoie.

“Yeah?” You pinch the bridge of your nose. “I just filed them last night. I made the deadline, I’m pretty sure.”

Specifically, you filed it with nine minutes to spare, Ottawa time. Even though, by then, the bourbon was dissolving your grasp on space and time, you had checked the clock. It was the last time your taxes would show that you and Alessia were still married. Still lived at the same address. Still mixed your money together as easily as your imagined futures. No trace of that Rahim guy anywhere.

“We know,” says Lavoie pleasantly. “You did.”

“Your tax refund was filed correctly, for both yourself and Ms Liberi,” says Kapoor. “We’re just here to enforce your tax vows.”

“Perpetual poverty is first on the list,” says Lavoie, reading off his clipboard. 

“What are you talking about?” Memory rouses like a cranky cat. “Oh, that was …” A joke? “ … a mistake.”